INSECURITIES

Insecurity - the anxiety you experience when you feel vulnerable and insecure. 

Insecure - lacking self-confidence or assurance. 


I know that most of you guys have insecurities. It might be the way we walk talk or eat. It's totally normal to be aware of yourself, but then the question is, where do these insecurities come from. Do they just decide to be present in our lives one sudden day, or they are a  build-up of something deeper than we actually think. 

Well from my understanding, insecurities occur when we feel attacked by something, be it social media or family. This attack will then lead us into becoming more aware of our surroundings and self-image way more than we should. These insecurities are also based on some things we cannot actually change about ourselves or the certain position we are in life. In return, we start feeling bad about ourselves and wonder if we are worth it, and a lot of unnecessary thoughts start surfacing in our heads. Wow, that's really sad but it's reality. 




Well, I am human too and I have insecurities of my own. Now as a teenage girl in this generation where there are social media everywhere and worldly expectations on a lot of various things, my insecurity is among many others, are my looks. Now, I sometimes compare myself with Instagram influencers or Instagram models and be like ‘ Damn, why don’t I look like this?’. I too want the unrealistic small waits and the unattainable thigh gap with bog buttocks and wide hips, but then it's all not reality, IT'S JUST INSTAGRAM. It even came times when I would starve myself and restrict myself from the foods that I loved. This didn’t turn out the way I had wished for because at the end of the day I would binge on either a two-litre tub of ice cream or a whole packet of twelve chocolate cookies. Instead of feeling good about myself, I felt even worse because of the amount of pressure that I had and the realisation that my ‘dream body goals’ were not attainable. Truth is the only thing that turned this into one of my insecurities was the environment that I was in. I was constantly being made fun of because I didn’t have a thigh gap, but how many people do have thigh gaps and a big bum and fuller hips. No one, especially of my age. 

Another insecurity that I have is losing people. Now I know I know, we lose people each and every time. When we are done with preschool, middle school, high school, university/college, even in workplaces, we lose people but eyy…… that's my reality. I absolutely hate it when I invest my time and effort in someone and it all backfires. I hate it with a passion infant. once in my life, I even came to a point where I had lost myself because I was trying to keep someone in my life. My insecurity took the best of me to be honest. When I say I lost myself, I mean I turned into a whole other person. I was so mean, had a short temper and I got absolutely annoyed by any little thing. I would say that I became petty I don’t like using the word petty coz I think it takes away all of my pride, but Incas petty and yes my pride was being taken away by my very own actions. That time was the worst I swear. I would have frequent breakdowns and just blame people for something that they could not fix but myself. 

If you let insecurity take over you it will hurt you and cost you the things that you love. 




In life, there are some things that we get over but then they don’t just happen there and there they take a lot of self-reflection and time. One thing that has helped me a lot was writing my thoughts and emotions down, making sure that every single thing that is in my mind is on a hard copy so that you can see it. This leaves your head empty and gives you a sense of peace and relief, well I know it always helped in my instances. When you have written everything down, you would want to re-read the paragraph that you would have written and try to make sense of the certain situation. Once you make made sense of the situation, write down solutions to the same situation and even some affirmations that make you feel in control and confident in yourself. This method has always helped me in my darkest times. It even helped me to regain my lost self and find my security in life. 

Another method of getting over insecurity that I would also like to mention is meditation. Letting yourself give away from the noise and various distractions really gets you thinking. Making sure that one is connected physically and spiritually to themselves is key. This is the only way that you can get a deeply honest conversation with yourself. In the process, you need to realise that you cannot change some things in life, the only thing that you can do is accept the reality and move on. Acceptance is an element that is absolutely needed when getting over insecurity. Also when we set a goal for ourselves, even if they are body goals, set goals that can be achievable. Set realistic goals that you know you are able to reach. This gives you a feeling of accomplishment and it will force you to continue doing what you are doing because common who doesn't want to feel accomplished. 

The most popular way of getting over something is communication. I am a very private person, but telling someone what is wrong with me really lightens me up and brightens my day. It really has to be someone you are comfortable with. A friend or parent will do, but only if you are able to fully open p to them and tell all of your thoughts to them, PS you also need to trust them. If you din has any of these, you could always go to a therapist or psychologist. But dint forgets the key is to be fully comfortable with telling some about your thoughts and trusting them. 


Now in life, there are some instances whereby we have gotten over certain insecurity, but then something starts making it appear all of a sudden. This is annoying tell you. Bt it happens in life and we cannot run away from it. If I told myself that I can run away I would be telling myself absolute rubbish. In times like this, we can either talk to the person about the insecurity that you have, if the person agrees with you and actually change then amen, but if they do not there's a problem. Now, life is too short to be around people who remind you of your problems or people who just give you negative opinions about something all the time. In situations like these, you really should drop the person and move on. Now don’t get me wrong, I didn't say be a hurtles monster and just drop someone in a bin and walk away like that, I’m saying keep ur mental health and happiness away from them. You need to put yourself first at times so that you can be happy. 


The following is a list of books that may help you in getting over insecurities:

  • Trust issues by Jessica Riley 
  • Wisdom of insecurity by Alan W Watts
  • Don’t sweat the small stuff and its all small stuff by Richard Carlson 




Yours with love,

Eve 


INSTAGRAM - @feelsinc2022

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